After reflecting on what the Father had spoken to me. This is an excerpt from my
Journal: June 11, 2015.
"I went to Samuel's Mantle two weeks ago and had a huge expectation for what God had in store for me there. I actually had to protect that evening and declined 4 other invitations to do different things. I just *knew* I had to be at Samuel's Mantle that night and nothing else could take precedence over it.
The word that spoke to me the most that evening was when a woman shared her picture of a kite she saw when she looked at me. The kite can be released to go and go. It is free. It soars. It is powered by the wind. The Father always holds the kite. The Father is the anchor. I am in his hand, I am also soaring. I trust. I have faith. Immediately this sunk into my heart. I've always wanted to fly a kite. It just seems like a delightful experience. I see the pleasure of God all over it. I see his smile. I see the thrill of something so simple- the wind- catching a piece of fabric, the colours waving in the air and the freedom of a child. I love the idea that it is released higher and higher. It seems to have the sureness of always being safe and always being enjoyable.
So "YES" Lord, I want to be this kite that goes higher in obedience and is lifted higher and higher, soaring and being empowered by your Holy Spirit, who guides me and backs me. It's a reminder of the love for the nations You've put inside me that you don't take away. And you show me more of yourself and also unravel me to go. And You take delight in me soaring. You say "YES" to displaying me and I recognize that the spectators will always look for the anchor. They want to KNOW the source and see just where the colours came from. Who holds this banner? And "What" causes it go "Go?" How does it go? What propels it?
What gives it life? YOU do! YOU HOLD my life."
~Who holds this banner? You do, Jesus!~
The spectators will always look for the anchor.
~The Father is the anchor. the source~
Sometimes words are just words. Words that lack meaning. Words that you can define with your mind, but have not been made real to the heart. They haven't yet become your personal experience, and therefore are resigned to Webster's definition, rather than your own. I want to share my own experience of one word that has become dynamic for me over the past number of weeks.
GRACE
I have known this word and the Sunday school definition that corresponds with it- ''God giving me a free gift I don't deserve.'' Sure, that is what it means. Yes, I have understood this definition in terms of receiving God's gift of salvation to me, it's a gift! But lately this word has been dressed differently and I'm embracing the new layers that are part of it. A few weeks ago at house church Gerry shared about "serendipitous moments"- moments that you can't create on your own, but rather realize that God's hand was specifically and instrumentally part of creating. He referred to dabbling in photography and working to arrange all the details to try to still- frame the moment you see, yet sometimes things don't go according to plan and you can't exactly arrange the moment you want- either lighting or something else just doesn't work. Conversely, other times you realize that everything lines up naturally and you couldn't have arranged things better yourself! Gerry says that "unexpected happy moments" are how we define serendipity, but recently he has been redefining those moments as GRACE. Grace is when God sets things up. Grace is when we acknowledge His hand involved in our lives. Simon recently told me that in the Old Testament, Grace was likened to the image of a group of people who travel together and set up their tents facing one another. The image is of protection and beauty. Grace is tied to protection.
When I recently had a miscommunication with Simon and found myself hurt by what had happened, we talked to make things right. I usually don't get that hurt, I have the ability to just keep moving forward without resentment. This time I was very hurt by the situation. When we talked he repeatedly said he was sorry. I forgave him, yet he kept apologizing. After hearing him apologize 20 times I said he could stop. His response, "Victoria, I need to apologize over ever area of your heart that I hurt." Wow, I needed to let that sink in. I pictured arrows that had pierced my heart and him wanting to clean it, soothe it and restore it. I saw that he wanted my heart to be healed and the only way to do that was to speak the words "I'm sorry" over it and let forgiveness wash it. He wanted to protect me. Somehow that conversation was covered in so much grace. I've always heard it said that if you can get through tough stuff with someone you will have a stronger relationship, but hadn't experienced it until now. I can honestly say that we have a new level of trust with each other... Why? Because we are choosing grace. Love is the trump card. Love is expressed when we put the other first and seek to protect them. Love is the trump card.
As we've continued to put these thoughts together, we began to recognize that grace leads to intimacy. Let me explain: when we acknowledge what God puts in our lives and begin to see facets of his character, we turn towards Him. Simply acknowledging God (thanking Him) is drawing near to him. If he is a covenant God (as he says He is) He is never going to back out of His relationship with us. He will bring all of His assets (everything!) and liabilities (none!) to us, so He can empower us to fullfill our unique destinies. I pictured a road with grace all along it. God putting one thing after another into our lives just for us. That is grace. Each grace encounter is met with intimacy (closeness) with God. When Simon and I were driving home from Langley, I asked if we could do some listening prayer together. "Yes," he was in! Then I didn't know what to do. How were we to begin this listening prayer? What were we to ask God? How could we do this together? Simon replied, "just begin by thanking Him. Then we will see what comes next." Ok, yes it all begins with thanksgiving (declaring the moments God has put before us). So we thanked Him. We thanked Him for more than half the drive home.
So what have I been learning? I surrender to love. I surrender to the Love of the Father, who gives and gives and gives to me and will never stop giving. Perfect love casts out fear. Love is expressed when we are patient, kind, content, humble, considerate, honouring, quick to forgive, and want the best for the other (1 Corinthians 13). Think- God's love is always this! Love always protects. In other words, love is connected to grace. Love is expressed through grace.
