Sometimes words are just words. Words that lack meaning. Words that you can define with your mind, but have not been made real to the heart. They haven't yet become your personal experience, and therefore are resigned to Webster's definition, rather than your own. I want to share my own experience of one word that has become dynamic for me over the past number of weeks.
GRACE
I have known this word and the Sunday school definition that corresponds with it- ''God giving me a free gift I don't deserve.'' Sure, that is what it means. Yes, I have understood this definition in terms of receiving God's gift of salvation to me, it's a gift! But lately this word has been dressed differently and I'm embracing the new layers that are part of it. A few weeks ago at house church Gerry shared about "serendipitous moments"- moments that you can't create on your own, but rather realize that God's hand was specifically and instrumentally part of creating. He referred to dabbling in photography and working to arrange all the details to try to still- frame the moment you see, yet sometimes things don't go according to plan and you can't exactly arrange the moment you want- either lighting or something else just doesn't work. Conversely, other times you realize that everything lines up naturally and you couldn't have arranged things better yourself! Gerry says that "unexpected happy moments" are how we define serendipity, but recently he has been redefining those moments as GRACE. Grace is when God sets things up. Grace is when we acknowledge His hand involved in our lives. Simon recently told me that in the Old Testament, Grace was likened to the image of a group of people who travel together and set up their tents facing one another. The image is of protection and beauty. Grace is tied to protection.
When I recently had a miscommunication with Simon and found myself hurt by what had happened, we talked to make things right. I usually don't get that hurt, I have the ability to just keep moving forward without resentment. This time I was very hurt by the situation. When we talked he repeatedly said he was sorry. I forgave him, yet he kept apologizing. After hearing him apologize 20 times I said he could stop. His response, "Victoria, I need to apologize over ever area of your heart that I hurt." Wow, I needed to let that sink in. I pictured arrows that had pierced my heart and him wanting to clean it, soothe it and restore it. I saw that he wanted my heart to be healed and the only way to do that was to speak the words "I'm sorry" over it and let forgiveness wash it. He wanted to protect me. Somehow that conversation was covered in so much grace. I've always heard it said that if you can get through tough stuff with someone you will have a stronger relationship, but hadn't experienced it until now. I can honestly say that we have a new level of trust with each other... Why? Because we are choosing grace. Love is the trump card. Love is expressed when we put the other first and seek to protect them. Love is the trump card.
As we've continued to put these thoughts together, we began to recognize that grace leads to intimacy. Let me explain: when we acknowledge what God puts in our lives and begin to see facets of his character, we turn towards Him. Simply acknowledging God (thanking Him) is drawing near to him. If he is a covenant God (as he says He is) He is never going to back out of His relationship with us. He will bring all of His assets (everything!) and liabilities (none!) to us, so He can empower us to fullfill our unique destinies. I pictured a road with grace all along it. God putting one thing after another into our lives just for us. That is grace. Each grace encounter is met with intimacy (closeness) with God. When Simon and I were driving home from Langley, I asked if we could do some listening prayer together. "Yes," he was in! Then I didn't know what to do. How were we to begin this listening prayer? What were we to ask God? How could we do this together? Simon replied, "just begin by thanking Him. Then we will see what comes next." Ok, yes it all begins with thanksgiving (declaring the moments God has put before us). So we thanked Him. We thanked Him for more than half the drive home.
So what have I been learning? I surrender to love. I surrender to the Love of the Father, who gives and gives and gives to me and will never stop giving. Perfect love casts out fear. Love is expressed when we are patient, kind, content, humble, considerate, honouring, quick to forgive, and want the best for the other (1 Corinthians 13). Think- God's love is always this! Love always protects. In other words, love is connected to grace. Love is expressed through grace.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEL4Oqfcgn8
"This love never leaves me all alone, and it never forgets its own,
This love won't leave me because my past is bad.
This love lifts me up. I don't need to be overwhelmed.
It raises me above the rocks, so my feet can stand.
This love doesn't care if you don't think you can cut it- It takes you in and lifts you up.
It's every moment of everyday, always."
Amazed by Grace. Amazed by love.
I surrender to love.
